I awoke Saturday morning at 6.45 am for my 7.30 Zoom meeting. It’s one of my normal weekly meetings. It’s called Surf Dogs, and it’s been around N. County San Diego for years. It’s one of the only co-ed meetings I attend and I love it. I didn’t realize how much I loved it until recently. Being able to see faces and hear voices and shares has given me such a soulful feeling, it’s almost hard to explain, unless you are in AA and attending Zoom meetings. That’s the new norm for us AA meeting folks. No hugging, no token giving, no holding hands and reciting the Serenity Prayer at the end of the meeting, it’s all in cyberspace now. When will all that happen again? Will we all be excited to see each other that we’ll all have extended hugs? Even the guy that annoys me with his long drawn out shares? Yes, he gets a hug too. Because as we all know, it’s a WE program.
I’m lucky during this stay at home work order as I’ve been working from home for the past six years. I’m busy and don’t see that changing anytime soon. I watch a little news in the morning to get current and then put music, or the Food Network (white noise), on while I work. Lately, certain songs have been getting me bummed out because they bring me back to a place in my life that I’m trying to let go of or they transport me to a happy moment or an amazing concert with friends and I wonder when that will ever happen again? So, I’m giving myself license to cry and sit in it and let it go. It’s almost like thinking the drink through. I think about it, romance it, and let it go. It’s a five to ten-minute process. It reminds me of the scene in Broadcast News (movie from 1987 for you youngsters here) where Holly Hunter would hang up every phone call with a five-minute meltdown of crying. It’s just stress that needs to be released, and I keep inviting it and moving through it as releasing this sad emotional energy needs to happen for me to be ok with our new normal.
I’m doing the at-home yoga and walking with my dog as much as possible, and baking and cooking and doing all my chores. I take my car out and drive really fast and listen to my music jams. I’m finding that therapeutic and I bring Bailey along and let her head crane out of the window with the wind in her jowl’s. Whatever I need to get some excitement, it’s working. I went to CVS and Sprout’s this weekend, and it really hit home as everyone was 6 feet apart, all wearing masks and gloves. Then there’s me with a winter fluffy scarf circled around my face wearing winter gloves. I ordered a mask from Etsy this morning.
If anyone out there can relate to anything I’ve written that’s great, if not then I hope whatever you are doing for your stress and mental state right now is working for you during this unprecedented time. I love seeing all the ways people are managing the new normal. Facebook and IG are blowing up and I often need to take a break from social media because I don’t really want to see your yellow picture from your camera roll or see how clean your bathroom cabinet is. I get it. We are all hungry for social attention right now, and I participate too. I’m guilty of that – and I’m no better. Thanks everyone for sharing and I get to pick and choose how I want to do the same. Such freedom there! (Baby steps)
I still feel like I’m going to wake up out of this melodrama movie one morning and say “Oh my God I had the worst dream. Everything was shut down in the United States and grocery clerks, delivery drivers and health care workers were our hero’s and we couldn’t be physically close to any of our family or friends, it was devastating.” I hope I get to wake up soon from my dream.