Four day weekend with not much excitement!

Falling in love during COVID
September 30, 2020

Today is Election Day 2020, and it’s also my Father’s 80th Bday. Dad passed away almost two years ago and some days it’s still tough to swallow, but I am reminded – thanks to Facebook – of all our memories and the times I’ve celebrated him, and how grateful I am that I had a loving and present Dad in my life.  If you read my Memoir, Last Call, you’d get a better understanding of our relationship and how it evolved, and that no matter what – he was always there for me.

Election Day 2020.  This whole post could be about that and I could complain about our country and how unfair the past 8 months have been to me, you, our friends, our parents, our children – but most of all to our country.  I still feel like we are living in a Sci-fi novel with no end in sight.  And the more real it becomes the more I find myself saying “Is this really happening?” Not just COVID, but the great divide within our country.  I don’t like getting political or too involved in the current state of affairs – but this past year has been the worst in decades! It rings true to the 1960s and what was happening back then.  I haven’t seen much growth at all within racial inequality and it just really sickens me.  I can’t even watch TV half the time.

In all of the craziness that is happening right now – I have to say it feels pretty damn good to be Sober! I don’t have an interest in drinking or using to numb the annoyance and disgust I have for our country right now.  I often think “How would I be dealing with this if I was drinking and using?”  And since I play the tape through – it would be the same way I dealt with anything before I got sober.  More of an excuse to party and do stupid shit and be selfish and blow life and people off.  And I’d feel okay about being a bit crazier than normal.  It didn’t matter if it was a Tuesday, a Saturday, a Holiday, or my Birthday – it was always the same routine.  Drink as much as I can, score some blow and just let the night, or next few days, end up where they may.  No plan.  No worry about the consequences – just F it and let it ride!

When I think about how I lived like that and still maintained somewhat of a career, I’m literally amazed. I was a high bottom drunk with a recreational cocaine problem.  That’s what I told myself.  When I got sober at 37, I had no idea how my life would change.  I didn’t know that I’d be able to quit drinking and drugging.  I didn’t know that I’d become a woman with dignity, integrity, and real thoughts and feelings.  I was in such a haze for so long, especially in the last few years, that my lifestyle seemed normal.  Next weekend I’ll be going to Malibu with 3 other ladies I got sober with.  Two of them will be celebrating 17 years of recovery.  One of them is exactly 6 months soberer than me.  I love these women and I love that we love to celebrate our sobriety with each other.  I just filled out my profile for a dating site app – don’t judge – and one of the questions was “What gets you excited?”  Celebrating my girlfriend’s sober Birthday! Although I didn’t use the “sober” word there.  I just started on the dating website and find it all very overwhelming and recently blocked my profile.  I’m sure there will be a blog post about that pretty soon and how my experience is going there.  It’s funny how many men check off the drinking box of “frequently” vs “socially”.  I wonder how much is frequently? If I ever went on a dating site when I was drinking, I would have been looking for the “all the time” box – but maybe today that is “frequently”.

I had a four-day weekend this week and it was great.  I really like my career but being able to have a long weekend with no real plans in sight was a good way for me to re-charge.  I was able to do things I normally can’t do.  I led a 7 am AA Zoom meeting, took Bailey to the beach any time of the day, slept in, went walking with a girlfriend in the middle of the day, ran errands on a weekday (which is so much easier than a Saturday) and had that downtime to finish my HBO Max show.  I get to go back to work tomorrow and I’m looking forward to picking my frenetic brain and getting back to it.  The grind.

Today I’m just posting about my four-day weekend where nothing exciting happened.  But all of it was exciting.  I wasn’t in a jail cell, I didn’t wake up in a stranger’s bed, I didn’t have a hangover, and I didn’t piss anyone off the night before.  Today, I have a little more money in my pocket. I know where my car is parked. I can get up and walk to the beach at 7 am with Bailey, and I love myself a little more than I did the day before.   Thanks, sobriety for giving me an exciting long weekend.

(This was written on Nov 3, and posted on Nov 5)   

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