Kim is a young sober woman who came to me recently and told me about a blog she started to talk about her journey into alcoholism and addiction. Its her first foray into the sober blogging world and as someone who came into the sober blogging world a few short years ago, I remember asking for help from other bloggers out there.
We all have a message to share. Kim has four years clean and sober now and wants to share her experiences with others – to help others. Here is her story and feel free to check out her blog and drop her a line. Isn’t that what this deal is all about helping each other?
AA is a pretty simple program they say, all you need to do is put down the drink and the drug and change your entire life. I will tell you putting the drink and the drug down will be the simplest thing about sobriety. Sobriety is painful, it’s the unbecoming of everything you have known and the becoming of your true self. You will perform an exorcism on your soul. You will have to dig deep inside yourself, places some will never dare to go. The dark fractures in your core that may be filled with hatred and despair. Go there. Throw some new seeds to grow. Rise above that grave you dug for yourself. Free yourself.
At the age of 21 I stepped into my first AA meeting. I already knew I was an alcoholic, though I did not want to accept it. I stayed in the rooms a few weeks and left. I was not ready. I still had more suffering to live. I was in treatment facilities, mental institutions, halfway houses and hospitals. I have been arrested, medicated and strapped down to gurneys. I am an alcoholic, a cocaine addict, a crack addict and a heroin addict. However, I did not come to terms with that until I was 30 years old.
Almost four years ago I put down the drink and the drug and decided to change my whole life. Everything I was I had to change. I had to re-learn how to live. I had to re-learn how to communicate. I had to re-learn how to control my emotions. I needed to cope with my anger, my regret and my guilt. Mentally, I was a 15 year old girl, but externally I was a mother, a girlfriend, an employee and a daughter.
My name is Kim and I am an alcoholic. I will be an alcoholic for the remainder of my life. I will never be cured, and I will carry around this blessing that I once thought was a curse. It’s my blessing because I have felt so much pain that I cherish every moment I feel happiness. I wake up everyday armed with my story, my setbacks and I have learned from them all. Sobriety has given me such internal strength, the ability to see myself, to take my own inventory and to accept my defaults. I see the world and its people for what they are. I live in truth – no matter how painful that may be. I need to do the next right thing regardless if it’s easy or not. This is how I choose to live today. Sobriety is completely possible and it is absolutely worth every excavation you will have to endure.
I have overcome the intolerable. I have traded in my journey of addiction for a journey of inspiration, education and hope. I have put my entire story out there – my personal war story, my fears and my hopes and dreams. This is exactly why I was kept alive; despite my desperate pleas to end it. My higher power had different plans for me. It was not my time and I still have so much more to learn and to give. I have accepted my mission with complete openness. Luckily, my death wish was never granted.
Kim’s blog is http://www.myday-mychoice.com/