Relationships in Recovery; an Interview with Lara Frazier

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Relationships in Recovery; an Interview with Lara Frazier

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Lara Frazier is a woman in recovery that I initally “met” by her blog posts and writing.  I related to her and appreciated her honesty and openness.  Then last year I was lucky enough to meet her in person.  It was great to finally meet the women that I had befriended and I felt like I had known Lara years.  She was everything I knew she’d be; thoughtful, caring, sweet, funny and beautiful – inside and out.  I’m grateful she participated in the Interview series and shared more of her amazing self with us!

  • What was your relationship with Alcohol/Drugs/Food before you got clean and sober?

My relationship with prescription pills (my drug of choice) prior to getting clean was toxic, unhealthy, and all-consuming. The pills became my everything and I chose them above anything. I woke up thinking about them and I went to bed full of them. It was very similar to my addiction to love/men. When I was “in love,” all I could think about was the other person. It’s an obsession that is 24/7 and leaves you totally soulless. When I would go to treatment to try to stop abusing drugs, my addiction would transfer to love/men. If I couldn’t get high off pills, I had to find another way to get high so I started using men as the answer.

  • What is your relationship with Alcohol/Drugs/Food today?

In terms of drugs, I would say the relationship is non-existent. I don’t think about them anymore. They aren’t a part of me anymore and I am glad to no longer be ruled by them.  In terms of my love addiction, it is a constant process. I can say that my relationship with men has become much healthier since getting sober. I did not get in a relationship for a year after getting sober, and I was in one of the healthiest relationships of my life for almost 20 months. When we broke up, I stayed single and did not date until I was 100% sure I wasn’t using another person as a means to escape. However, in dating, I have discovered that some obsessive thoughts can still take hold of me and I can future-trip the shit out of things. It’s just being self-aware enough to know how I am behaving and to identify what is healthy vs. unhealthy.

  •  How were your relationships with your family before you got clean & sober?

 When I was using, my family was in constant fear that they would lose me forever. They did their best to get me help, but overtime, after seeing me go in and out of sobriety so much, they lost a bit of hope. I don’t think they ever lost all hope, but there was a time when they were preparing for my funeral, because they were so scared my body could not maintain the way it had been treated, for much longer. The love was always their – even when I became someone they didn’t recognize, they knew I was still in there somewhere.

  •  How are those relationships today?

My relationship with my family today is amazing. I am able to communicate with them much better than I have in the past. We see each other almost weekly and I actually moved/stayed in Texas to be close to them.

  • Regarding your prior romantic relationships – how did your addiction affect those?

 I didn’t start abusing prescription pills until I was around 27 and the one person I was in a relationship with at that time, was affected. He would use the pills with me at times, but he noticed how unhealthy it was for me. My personality changed and our relationship suffered. He actually ended up moving back to Canada, I think to escape me in some ways.

  •  What is your current relationship status today?

As I mentioned above, I am single. I was in a relationship for about 20 months. We didn’t start our relationship until I was almost a year sober. So, he only knew me sober. Thus, sobriety didn’t change our relationship.

  •  How did you feel your relationships with friends and co-workers are now that you are clean and sober?

I have the best tribe of friends today. I could not have asked for anyone better to enter my life. Some friendships fell away during my addiction and some fell away when I got sober. However, the friends that are meant to be in my life are in my life currently. Some of them are from the past and many of them I met because of my sobriety and because of my willingness to be completely honest about my recovery. I admire my friends, for their ability to be vulnerable and real and accept me, entirely as I am.

  • Do you have relationships with pets and if so, how has that helped with your recovery?

I have a mini-pig. Her name is Peaches and she is my very best friend in the whole world. Having an animal has taught me how to care for something other than myself, with total and complete love. I am so grateful for her presence in my life. She has helped my recovery by being by my side and always showing me the meaning of unconditional love.

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  • How is your relationship today with Society at Large?

I am a productie member of society, as they say. I do my best to share my story and to raise awareness around substance abuse. I practice setting an example of what sobriety looks like. And I believe in kindness, compassion, and good will.

  •  What have you been able to contribute?

I have contributed so much to society. I believe the work I am proudest of, is the work that goes unseen. That work revolves around helping other women get sober and live this beautiful life of truth.

 

Lara Frazier is a healer and truth-teller, a sobriety warrior and a pig mama. She is a FIERCE believer in the power of owning our stories and is a strong advocate for addiction recovery. Lara shares a story of healing: in sobriety, through addiction, in life and love, and in all the other big huge moments of fear and magic that we rarely talk about, but we should. Read more on Lara’s blog: www.larafrazier.com or follow her on Instagram: @sillylara 

 

 

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