Marc is someone I met online in the sober blogging sphere who is fairly new to the recovery writing community and who started his blog early on in his recovery. He has a strong following with a great message to share! Here is his insight into relationships in recovery! Thanks for reading!
My relationship with alcohol and drugs before I got clean and Sober was fun at first, but then that all changed somewhere along the way. It became very apparent at one point in my use that I needed drugs and alcohol much more than they ever needed me! At that point the relationship became very abusive. It was more like the master and the slave. Drugs and alcohol owned me then, they told me what to do and like a good little boy eager to please, I did it.
Today my relationship with them is one of mutual respect, anger and the hatred I have for them. It’s one of those relationships that you find trying to seduce you into coming back with promises of how things will be better this time, but it’s the same ole line that it’s always been telling you. I try and keep as much distance between me and that relationship as possible.
Before I got clean my family relationships were obliterated and ruined. You know when people say you just burned a bridge? My bridges didn’t burn, they exploded. The first time my family dropped me off at a treatment center over 20 years ago they literally walked me into the lobby, told the receptionist who I was and while I was signing my name on the documents they handed me my bag and my family left, without even saying goodbye! Not a hug, no good luck, more like “here you go take this worthless son of a bitch, were done with him.” This was only after the first 6 months of me ever using and the image of how much I was hated as the years went on was challenging to manage. I remember my favorite Uncle telling my favorite Aunt one day that she should do us all a favor and take me out behind the barn and put a bullet in my head!
Yes drugs and alcohol ruined my relationships, but through my sobriety I have been able to restore them back to where they are healthy and growing again. It is and will always be a work in progress. Considering the amount of damage that has been done to them over the years I am happy that they are at least growing again.
My addiction destroyed all my past relationships. And I don’t know how it was for other people, but if you suffered from the disease at the level I suffered from it – then the disease of addiction destroyed everything, everything good, everything I ever wanted, every relationship, every hope was ruined and it’s going to be an underlying theme in this interview. The destruction of my disease. When I’m in my active addiction I am, rather promiscuous I guess you would say, it just kind of goes with the territory it seems. I will go from being with a gal every night of the week almost when using – to not dating at all in sobriety. The total opposite takes place for me when not using. I have fewer relationships when in recovery but the ones I do have are of a much higher quality, that’s a beautiful thing.
My current relationship status is single and that’s a good thing for me right now. I wish it were different sometimes, but then again I can barely keep myself sober at times so I’m not sure having the added stress of a significant other in my life would be a good thing.
My relationship with friends and colleagues are grand. They are honest, sincere, open and full of love. They are real friendships with people that will always be there and the great thing is they are based on a true care and concern for each other’s well-being and future growth.
Yes I adopted a homeless cat from a gal who was losing all she had due to her heroin addiction and she wanted to make sure that her cat would still have a home. So into my life came Skeeters – the kitty. He’s so awesome and he knows I rescued him from being homeless and he’s truly grateful. Just like that he senses that I am still a half broken man whose stability at times is just as fragile as his own. He is a blessing and my relationship with this cat is incredibly therapeutic for me and my recovery.
My relationship with society at large is probably as good as it has ever been. There is much room for growth and this will come as my recovery progresses and I mature as a man. It’s definitely better than I could have ever hoped for.
I think insight to others as to what it’s like to be an addict who is so imperfect in recovery. I think that through my writing I am able to share a message of hope and love. I think the biggest thing is that I have been able to share all of my shortcomings, my failures, my tears and have been able to give someone who is struggling at recovery. Someone they can relate to and comment, “Wow that guys really fucked and I now I don’t feel so bad cause I have never done the crap he’s done” So they can see that although I fall – it’s not the end. And that the game doesn’t have to be over just because they didn’t get it right the first time or the tenth or the 100th time. That’s what it’s all about for me and that is the most important relationship I have in my life right now. The relationship between me and those who read my work is most important. My readers who read it on a whim and are struggling can say, “You know maybe he’s right – maybe alone we don’t stand a chance, but together, we can change the world!” So instead of going to sleep for good that day they reach out one last time and the world then becomes a better place.
Marc is a 48 year old published author, speaker, and blogger. His hobbies include Mt. biking, hiking, and drinking large amounts of coffee. Marc lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and is the proud father of one very outstanding young man!
You can find Marc here: